Written by Ulver
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Friday, 20 November 2009

image for Hideous Crawling Creature boycotted by Creepy Crawlies
Vernon Bulgeworth - "Sticking our members in with Jordan is plain wrong!"

Britain's least favourite vapid waste of skin and atrocious role model Katie Price aka Jordan , could be on the verge of quitting I am a fading Celebrity "and I'm trying to rescue the last vestiges of my career in one desperate attempt at debasement, humiliation and self-abuse" Get Me Out Of Here as brilliant viewers continue to vote her into all manner of unpleasantness (and more power to them!)

So far, PRICE has endured a fish-gut swamp, potholes and water, a giant bottle filled with cockroaches and deadly bacteria sadly she remains unharmed and is proving to be as tenacious as a Surgical Site Infection in an NHS Hospital.

But clearly the sight of the glamour girl with her face plunged into human shit, flesh-eating meal worms and fly pupae isn't enough for the amazing viewing public, who yesterday voted for Katie to face yet another bush tucker trial, we can only hope it is the one where she has to swim through Hydrofluoric Acid and Bile!

Price declared: "I'm absolutely ready to leave camp. I've had enough. I fought like people would like just watch my titz and I'd get paid for doing f*ck all like I always have been but people just don't seem to like me or summink, I can't fink why."

"I miss my booze and nights out. I'm hungry for the celebrity pages and money off Hello magazine. I want a nice bed and I don't want to have to put myself through these challenges. I don't like it, and I had no idea that I'd be expected to do it, it's not like I've been on the show before or anything like that."

As Ant and Dec uttered "Katie, it might be you", Price said: "Oh please, please I can't do any more. I've had enough. Why do they keep picking on me I'm the people's princess or some shit?"

If you really need an answer to that Price then you should certainly consider a brain cell transplant.

Today, the big titted flange-dribble faces Hell Holes- Extreme, her fifth trial in as many days - but will she finally crack, or is she made of sterner stuff? (Let's hope not!)

Price has already threatened to keep herself covered up in revenge for the public's continual "bad" voting but that just seems to have spurred them on, let's face if you want to see a raddled old whore showing off fake tits stained orange by fake tan you just need to get down to Romford Station at kicking out time.

Really though who gives a f*ck if Price keeps being made to do unpleasant things? After the putrid televisual slop she has subjected the British public to over the last few years, it's about time that she did us all a favour and caught necrotising fasciitis or some other form or Jungle nasty!

In other Jungle news, Vernon Bulgeworth spokesperson for the Australian Combined Cockroaches, Bloodworms, Bacteria and Viruses Union has written to the show protesting that their members are being forced to share enclosed spaces with Price who by definition is more vile and loathsome than they ever could be, and constitutes cruel and unusual punishment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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