Written by Aspartame Boy
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Sunday, 8 November 2009

image for Scheme 'can cut extra emissions' - with explosives
Chemical plant being made more efficient

LONDON- According to my secret source code named slash-8, a new business plan of the Environment Agency will slash carbon emissions by 60 percent, or 13 tonnes.

It will leave five million cars on the road, and still reduce emissions!

Slash-eight says the government and businesses have more potential to cut energy use than people 'would-a thought'.

Main tool

Governments like to use force. They want to force heavy industries to reduce emissions. Now they will clearly do so.

The Environment Agency report says day care centers, hospitals, churches, train stations, hotels, restaurants, shops and government departments have been holding out on them. Now, its payback time.

The main tools are high explosives. Buildings seen to be using more energy than thought right by government officials will have secret government agents, such as slash-8 (no, not 007), come to their location to blow up their air conditioners and heaters with high explosives. The main circuit switches will also be blown up. The highest offenders who ignore those little government suggestions will be selected for this new program.

Not only will this result in an immediate savings, but it is expected to motivate other businesses who hear and see the massive explosions to make a sincere effort to conserve.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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