At last! Osama Bin Laden has been discovered in Derbyshire cave. 'It's a fair cop'. says Bin.
Local pot-holing group, 'The Muff Divers Club', based in Muffton, Derbyshire, claimed yesterday that they had discovered Osama Bin Laden living in a limestone cavern in England's Peak District National Park.
Spokesman for the group, Ann Orak, told reporter, nigmuncher, "It was quite a shock, really. We were taking part in the usual weekend ritual of slithering along on our stomachs in six inches of freezing water, like you do." 'Or don't.' commented our intrepid reporter. "When all of a sudden the beam of my torch fell on a pathetic figure, wrapped in rags and gnawing on what appeared to be a blind albino cave fish. At first I thought it was Gollum from 'Lord of the Rings'. but then the creature spoke."
There are discrepancies amongst the group about what were Bin's first words, but the general consensus is that he spoke in a broad Yorkshire accent and seemed to be keen to get his hand's on some 'Aunt Bessie's' traditional roast potatoes.
Arthur Brain, a fellow caver took over the story. "This fellow seemed keen to be left alone," said Mr Brain. "His accent was very thick; Bradford, I would say, but I still made out the words, 'Off, f**k, Pakistan, Afghan and border'. I got the impression that Bin wanted us to f**k off, and believed himself to be in a cave on the Pakistan, Afghan border. We thought it prudent to leave him well alone. There are enough immigrants in Derbyshire as it is without encouraging bloody folk from Yorkshire."
When it was pointed out to Mr Brain that he had now let the cat out of the bag by telling TheSpoof.com about the discovery, Mr Brain winked slyly and muttered . "Cave, what cave?"