Following private polling by the Labour Party, it has been announced that the Prime Minister will be wearing a brown paper bag with two eyeholes over his head.
"We've realised that every time people saw Gordon Brown on the television that we lost ground in the polls, so we have solved this by putting a bag over his head.", a spokesperson announced. "There are other noticeable differences.", he added. "His strong Scottish accent seems to have softened and been replaced by a rather plummy one, like someone brought up in Hampstead, who may have been away for a time in Europe in a senior position and may now be spending a lot of time rubbing shoulders with peers of the realm."
At a press conference, wearing a crisp new bag on his head the Prime Minister added, "I'm a fighter not a quitter, as my good friend Peter Mandleson would say were he here today, which of course he isn't. You may find that Peter and I have started wearing the same suits. This is because our sartorial tastes are as aligned as our political views. Please pay no attention to the knocking and muffled shouting from the cupboard behind me. I want to focus on important issues from now on, like Strictly Come Dancing on the BBC."