Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 13 October 2009

image for Metal And Plastic Bits Are The Key To Economic Revival Says Cameron
I Have A Policy - I Just Lost It Somewhere

Opposition leader David Cameron today revealed his strategy for a strong resurgence from recession to the CBI. In a benchmark speech he told captains of industry that the way forward from recession lay in "making things out of metal and plastic, and maybe even out of glass sometimes too."

Cameron pointed out that when you make useful parts for things out of naturally occurring substances such as metal, plastic and glass, then people tend to buy such products.

With money.

He insisted that similar circumstances applied to the sale of natural resources such as coal, gas, and minerals.

"We are the biggest bankers in the world," he announced. "But the paper dealing never really worked out too well. Quite frankly, we just weren't very good at it.

"It seems that Mrs Thatcher got it a tad wrong, back in the day, and now we need national assets which will actually generate money for the economy. Like making things out of metal and plastic and, occasionally glass."

We asked Mr Cameron what he actually proposed to make out of plastic and metal and glass?

"I don't really know," he admitted. "Just things, stuff, that people will pay money for. To be honest, when Mrs T decided to destroy British industry by decimating the trades union movement, she may have been a tad premature."

"Really?" we asked Mr C

"Yes, really," he snapped. "But Maggie and Dennis got seriously rich throughout her tenure, allowing their son, Mark to get lost in the desert, and take part in an attempted military coup. So it wasn't all bad was it? I mean, apart from the errors of judgement. The riots in the streets. The establishment of a lost generation dependent on benefits. And financial meltdown fostered by sheer greed. All of which have never really been laid at our door.

"Because we're dead good at being sneaky. But we appeal to the average idiot in the street. Innit?"

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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