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Sunday, 11 October 2009

image for Distraction in Dnipropetrovsk: Erin Andrews Forgets to Turn Off  Helmet Cam During Locker Room Shower Interviews!
Erin Andrews In Side Line Costume Prepares For "play by play" Shower Room Coverage!

Dnipropetrousk/Ukraine - US soccer fans got more than they bargained for last night as striking Peep Hole Princess, Erin Andrews, new ESPN late night soccer co anchor, forgot to turn her helmet cam off following England's shocking 1-0 loss on a blood soaked pitch somewhere in Eastern Europe.

The field was so isolated, the telecast was not shown in the UK due to the lack of TV towers, but was picked up by ESPN satellite to spur viewers in the Colonies who have shown renewed interest in the arcane sport since the signing of Andrews, and Manchester Futbol personality, Skoob, the Mope from Manchester.

The announcing pair, mixing an engaging style of sexual innuendo, double entendre's and wild play by play commentary, have seen their popularity grow as more and more Americans become turned off by the hypocrisy and greed of traditional American Sports.

English fans missed a right lash up last night, even before the helmet cam incident.

The stadium was ringed with 3 companies of the Ukrainian Lightning Strike Force, the country's elite counter terrorism group (USLF), who appeared in their blood red berets, bloused paratrooper boots, and were armed with the latest soviet version of the beloved Kalishnakov automatic assault weapon.

To celebrate the entrance onto the pitch of the 'homies', it was estimated that over 14,000 rounds of 7.62mm armour piercing rounds were expended into the air, accompanied by rocket propelled grenades from the stands, and a small c-4 explosion which took down the visitor's goal posts, causing a 25 minute delay.

The visitors, appeared intimidated, a fact confirmed when 14 minutes into the match, goalie Robert Green, who had performed in manly fashion in 5 previous starts in goal, was forced to take down a streaking opponent who had a direct shot on goal, with a judo move, followed by a seemingly inadvertent kick to the nuts.

After 20 minutes of referee conferences, a medical time out for 326 injured fans in the stands, and a Red Card dispatching Green to the showers, the game was resumed, but it was clear the lads didn't have their heart innit.

To explain how bad an effort it was, David Beckham, didn't even suit up, but was seen in the stands handing out cologne, and signing some of his wife's CD albums, as well as some Boonkette Albums, as a favour to fellow Manchester fan, Skoob, who manages the Female Rock Group part time.

What followed after the game was classic late night x-rated TV, which sent ESPN ratings through the roof, and had Pub Owners in the US clamouring to sign franchise agreements to distribute future soccer mis adventures.

Andrews, attired in impeccable knee high black net soccer stockings, a plaid thigh high kilt, and a sheer silk sleeveless blouse with PLUNGING neckline, had forgotten that the wee helmet cam woven into her Bo Derick hair do, was still running as she pursued the losers into the locker room and right into the privacy of their shower stalls.

An ESPN engineer, who was on a coffee break at the time, and not in the control booth, said "it was a right cock up" , but hastened to add viewer response 'went through the bloody roof' as word was spread through the internet.

Apparently no one had the authority to terminate the live stream, and Erin was later seen holding a post game story conference with Skoob in the studio's unisex lavatory, where "Big Red' was voiding himself after a case of Stella in which he had tried to console himself.

Later, an exhausted Andrews retired to her suite in Dnipropetrousk, where the single 200 watt light bulb in her dressing room left nothing to viewer imagination as she prepared for bed in front of the life size mirror.

ESPN officials say that just after a week, viewers have increased to over 3.7 million, surpassing even Bill O'Reilly and Glenn Beck, and a contract extension for Andrews and Skoob is already in the works.

The Ukraine has only to get past Andorra (Andorra?) next week to insure it's inclusion in the World Cup, leaving only the Gay French Team out of the competition, since no one wants to play with "THEM".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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