Written by Morse
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Topics: Breasts, UK

Saturday, 10 October 2009

image for Biggest Boobs No Longer Just In Government Anymore Says New UK Study!
Study Finds Butts Shrink, Boobs Grow in Government Funded Fat Trading Scheme

Apparently responding to recent challenges from Australia, previously reported as having bigger Boobs than the females of the UK, a new report sites that local women's cups are now 'running over!"

In an eye popping revelation, a recent door to door measurement campaign taken in consensus, with the Census, by the Unit of Weights and Measures, a little known government entity, seems to confirm that English women are movin' on up in cup size.

While some cynics say the new statistics have been 'manipulated' in order to gain international notoriety, others say they have noticed the increased size of busts during every day encounters while cycling, riding the bus, or just plain 'hangin about' the local shopping malls.

Liverpool 'weighed in' the winners with average boob size at 34E, Manchester managed to squeeze into the number 3 position at 36D, Bristol in 8th measuring up at 34C, and Glasgow finishing last, and barely noticeable with a svelte 32D.

Mammalians everywhere have their take on what's been happening. Amongst the theories, diet, weight, use of hormones, birth control pills, and the most prevalent, surgically enhanced breasts thanks to the plastic surgeons.

Said an observant former resident of the UK, just back for a brief vacation from exile in Thailand, " I noticed a difference in the profiles of my fellow bus mates since I've come back. I even saw some of the same fat C**** that used to take up 2 seats, but now they've trimmed their ass, but their tits are hanging over the seat in front of them....good for whip lash I guess, but I suspect not too good for posture!"

A quick survey of Boob Doctors confirmed the fact that more women are having liposuction ...transferring fat from their ass directly into their breasts, thereby killing two birds with one stone.

"It's part of the new 'Green' technology, we no longer dump the fat down the loo, we recycle, and with the Government funding the global warming scheme, we all get cash back...it's win, win, Mate!!

Meanwhile, at public health clinics, Care Givers have noted a rash of "Breast Stress Syndrome" (BSS) amongst overworked Mammary Measurement Workers.

"Poor sods," said one RN, "these poor blokes have had their hands full lately!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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