Written by matwil
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Monday, 5 October 2009

image for Darling recommends a pay freeze for Labour MPs

Chancellor Alastair Darling has recommended that all 356 Labour MPs should have their pay - plus expenses and perks - freezed for 2010-11, to pay for doctors, dentists, scientists, teachers, and other valuable public employees.

This breaks the convention of governments simply awarding their own and Opposition MPs huge salary increases every year for doing absolutely nothing for the nation, and then adding on another few weeks to their holidays for them to continue to do absolutely nothing, while on holiday abroad. 'Well, what do MPs actually do to deserve their huge salaries?', the Chancellor said, 'and who needs them?'

'But the country needs doctors and nurses to save lives, so they obviously deserve annual pay rises, as do firefighters. Dentists, teachers, postal workers, health and safety inspectors, they're also valuable contributors to the nation, as are countless thousands of other public employees.'

'You could replace MPs with a lot of chimpanzees and who would notice the difference? Gorging themselves with food and drink all day, contributing nothing towards running Great Britain, and making lots of monkey noises when people come along to watch them in their monkey house. Chimps would be far more useful than that, and would cost far less.'

As MPs themselves struggled to explain what they get paid small fortunes for doing, one highly-paid one said:'Look, chaps, us old Etonians that have no policies and ride around on bikes are, well, Old Etonians, that, er, well...' And another one, who looked like a slimy escapee from Planet of the Apes, added: 'Going to Washington every month to be ignored by Barack Obama is essential to, er, to, um ...'

The MPs' union USELESS was considering going on strike after the Chancellor's statement, and the entire United Kingdom wished it would. Permanently.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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