Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Archeology, Humans

Thursday, 1 October 2009

image for Latest Hominid Discovery PreDates 'Ardi' By 1m Years, 'Lucy' By 2m Years
Ave Yer All Got Tickets For The Show...Tickets...Fair Prices...My Arse.

Scientists from all over the world flocked into Denton, a drab suburb of east Manchester, UK, to witness the unveiling of 'Sandra' - reported to predate recent archeological discoveries, such as Ardi, the hominid discovered and unveiled recently, and 'Lucy' who was much lauded by a geographical magazine as being the real life Eve by 1m and 2m years respectively.

Manchester City fan Gordon Bennet invited the world's press into his lock up garage for the unveiling of his sensational discovery. Which was kept hidden under an old bedsheet as Oasis tracks blasted from a portable sound system. To build up the 'mad for it' atmosphere.

Bennet, who was allegedly thrown down the stairs by a steward during the recent Manchester football derby, receiving a fractured ego and depression of the spirit following Owen's last minute winner, and is threatening to sue United for an undisclosed sum. He was roundly jeered as he revealed his discovery.

"That was no five million year old skeleton," one scientist complained. "That was a few old rolled up tin cans, painted grey with model making paint to make it look old. And then nailed together."

"And suspended on some old fishing line like a puppet," another griped. "What a con."

"I'm devastated," Chinese archeologist Lee Won Pen told us. "I flew here from Shanghai for this shit. Typical fucking City fan. The 'skeleton' was holding a Bacardi Breezer bottle. What's that all about?"

When we spoke to Bennett, later, on his doorstep, he told us:

"Who's to say the girls 5 million years ago didn't have girlie nights out on the piss with Bacardi Breezers, vodka and Rude Bull, and flaming sambucas. Who knows whether they dropped their knickers and pissed in the street like girls do these days? These fucking scientists know nothing!" he shouted.

Before slamming the door in our faces.

More Mancunian money making malarkey as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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