Written by Mark Lowton
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 28 September 2009

image for Man finds miracle weight loss cure
A "healthy" breakfast

A British man claims to have come up with a quick, easy, and surefire way to lose weight - and fast.

The former lard-butt has lost five stone (70 lbs / 32 kg) over the past six months, and he did it by obeying two simple rules.

As most fatsos attest, this blubber ball "didn't eat much", and his meals were "perfectly balanced", but he just couldn't find a way to lose the weight.

"It's my hormones. It's my genes."

Knowing that a good breakfast is the key to a healthy diet, he would begin a typical day on a hearty meal of bacon, sausages, black pudding, hash browns, eggs (3-ways), a loaf of toast and a carton of healthy fresh juice.

Lunch would be something light, perhaps a salad, some sandwiches, packet of crisps, chocolate biscuit and a can of coke.

Dinner, maybe a 20" pizza, cheese dough-balls, chicken nuggets and a milkshake, followed by ice cream and more chocolate.

"One day, I woke up, and realised I was lying to myself."

The man's solution was thus, cut down the calories to a sustainable level, and knock out the rest with some exercise.

So simple, and so easy, according to our formerly obese friend:

"I didn't join a gym, I just stopped sitting on my arse and stopped stuffing my face. That was it. The results were astounding!"

With still four stone left to lose before our plump pal is of a socially acceptable size we're yet to tell if his plan really can work, but the publishers of his book (which is just one page long), don't really care so long as they can squeeze enough cash out of his 15 minutes of fame.

Make Mark Lowton's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 4?

3 22 4 12

Go to top