Written by Blazing Saddle
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Sunday, 27 September 2009

image for British Tour Party Children Lost In Snowdonia
Now Children, That is Quite A High Place. We Have Removed All The Risk For You.

A small group of British chidren wended their cautious way along the path to the peak of Mount Snowdon, shepherded by a party of mountain leaders, teachers and welfare specialists.

Tommy (12), the designated leader of the junior group, was entrusted with the map with only 6 supervisors to ensure that the correct, government approved path was taken.

"I signed up for the trip for adventure" says Tommy, "but all I got was supervisors in bobbly hats and pastel cagoules".

The adventure trip had been conducted with the most rigorous application of Health and Safety Risk Management rules.

"They read us chapters from Swallows and Amazons to make us feel we were roughing it, but they took our guns away" complains Kandi Gough-Willoughby (bastard daughter of the head of an urban council not 20 miles from Snowdon.

Sadly, the trip was to end in tragedy. The group was found, frozen, huddled under a Big Mac wrapper, only 2000 feet below the summit.

"We are always glad of the publicity" explains Malcolm Gradgrind, leader of the Snowdonia Gay and Lesbian Friendly Extremely Pompous Interfering Bastards Mountain Rescue Group "and we will not cease in our efforts to stamp out these treacherous trips to our slopes".

Asked for his views on this, most recent events, Mr Gradgrind said that all possible rules had been followed, perfect kit was worn and carried by all the victims, but there was one, fatal, flaw".

"All they had to do was light a fire" says Gradgrind, on the point of tears, "but all the matches they had on them had their heads removed for safety reasons".

"We get these callouts at least 56 times a year and it is seldom that we can find no reason to patronise the victims - mafter all, we have to ensure next year's funding".

There will be a mass funeral for common sense just prior to the Papal Blessing of the British Synchronised Swimming (Dry Team) at the O2 Cathredal next week.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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