Mediocre song writing "talent" Elton John has hit back at the tabloid media who have criticized his and partner David Furnish's effort to adopt Ukranian orphan Lev.
In a heated interview on day-time telly-show "Tomorrow's Morning." Elton slammed his critics accusing them of "smelling of wee and poo," before launching a passionate defence of his failed adoption attempt.
Elton ranted: "Brad's got one, Madonna's got one, Iwan's got one but the moment I want one, all of sudden, I'm too old! Old I tell you! I maybe no spring chicken but I've got all my own hair - in a box. In the attic. Obviously. But it's still mine!"
The decision by the Ukrainian authorities to turn down the couple's adoption attempt was supported by Equalities Czar Trevor Phillips, who stated: "There has been a lot of talk about Elton and David being too old to adopt. This is clearly nonsense, everyone knows it's because they are a couple of mincing, shirt-lifters."
He later added: "I'm Mister Boombastic, Mr Fantastic, she's say I boom! Boom!"