Written by JP Johnston
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Topics: Terrorism, Teens

Saturday, 17 October 2009

image for "Fat Four" In Racial Murder Threat
Accused Hiding his face - clearly guilty

Birmingham, England - Four teenage boys have appeared in the High Court in London charged with incitement to racial hatred, conspiracy to commit murder, and offenses under the Prevention of Terrorism Act. The case has been brought by prosecutors after several witnesses overheard the young men allegedly planning crimes whilst waiting for a bus, in April 2008.

One young man, Liam "Hangdog" McDonald, reportedly said he "Could murder an Indian." Hunter W Thompson was allegedy heard to reply, "I could kill a f**king Chinkie."

Most tellingly, co-accused Lee Harper allegedly said, "I could plant a nail bomb in a mosque right now and blow a hundred Pakis into mince and eat it." Defence lawyers argue that he actually said, "Yeah, I'm hungry too."

Randall N Hopkirk, the fourth co-accused, is reported to be the mastermind behind the conspiracy. He is alleged to have said, "Lets get some fission chips," which is believed to be a reference to high-tech control systems for nuclear devices. In his possession when arrested was an image of the houses of Parliament on a plastic bottle containing an unidentified brown liquid. Defence lawyers argue Hopkirk is a "fucking idiot who sleeps in classes and wouldn't know a silicon chip from a silicone implant."

The four have been remanded in Brixton Prison since their arrest in May 2008, and are reportedly traumatised by the state of the chips.

The case continues.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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