Written by Mark Mywords
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Friday, 11 September 2009

image for Derren Brown Pulls Off Greatest Illusion To Date
Derren Brown: Always happy to talk balls to you.

Derren Brown tonight, on British television, performed the most sensational illusion of his illustrious career, perhaps more astounding even than correctly predicting last Wednesday's six winning lottery balls, when he seemed to have made the very essence of life itself, time, disappear.

Following Wednesday night's widely reported feat, Brown spent the next two days teasing the British public that at 9pm tonight, on UK television, he would reveal, against overwhelming odds of 14 million to 1, how he was able to predict the correct numbers.

In a performance worthy of only the finest illusionists that mankind has ever seen, Brown then proceeded to spend what chronologically appeared to be an entire hour in persuading the viewing public that we were actually being told HOW the lottery illusion was performed. From obese women putting their hands into mouse cages, to brain-dead chavs willing to crush a Styrofoam cup with a bare foot, believing they were risking GBH from an eight inch bread knife said to be hidden underneath one of them, Brown moved from one illusion to another, telling us that our fears make us predictable, and generally behaving in the finest traditions of double-glazing salesmen.

And then, with a pinch of 'abra' and a hint of 'cadabra', it was all over! It seemed that, no time at all had passed, and Brown had majestically performed the illusion that the viewing public were actually going to be told how the trick was done, and actually BELIEVING they had been told, when all the time they had not the first f**king clue!

Brown's next scheduled illusion will be to spend six weeks telling an agog British public that some time soon he is going to explain EXACTLY how he stole an hour of their time on British television giving the impression of explaining how an illusion was done, and not actually doing it. Confused? That's his job.

Nice work, if you can get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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