Written by Ulver
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Topics: Penis, Birmingham

Monday, 7 September 2009

image for Birmingham Riots linked to small penis syndrome
An Ignorance Defence League sposkesman today

A planned demonstration in Birmingham against literacy and being a bit "fey", by The Ignorance Defence League, resulted in angry clashes with teachers and librarians at the weekend.

Gangs of men and youths, whom Police believe may be latent homosexuals or purveyors of animal pornography, hurled bottles at one another and pelted riot police with bricks as trouble erupted in the New Street area of the city, close to the main train station.

The disorder, which involved around 250 people, spilled onto the adjoining Bennetts Hill - a street lined with a number of pubs popular with locals and people on the dole.

West Midlands Police said they had arrested around 300 people on Saturday for offences ranging from "being an ignorant twat in possession of an England shirt" to "making an exhibition of yourself whilst under the influence of Babycham" but later confirmed the number had leapt to 900.

The offenders are all male, aged between 16 and 39 with IQs in the region of 10, many were educationally subnormal and ironically needed the same people they had been fighting against to help them sign their names on the charge sheets.

A number of fixed penalty notices have been issued for "general cuntery" while the remainder have been bailed while further inquiries take place, and the offender's skulls are X-Rayed for traces of brain matter.

The trouble was largely confined to the Bennetts Hill and New Street area, with The Bullring shopping mall unaffected.

A police helicopter was deployed to monitor the protest, and a heavy police presence was visible across the city.

Police were well-prepared for the outburst, after a similar demonstration last month turned violent.

A spokeswoman said officers had responded "quickly and robustly" to a number of "sporadic outbreaks" of pernicious brainlessness, cuntery, twattishness and general ignorance at various locations in the city centre.

Publishing details of the protest plans on its website, the Ignorance Defence League had urged supporters to avoid being drawn into violent clashes.

It said: "We are not a fascist organisation, we are a self-help group for men with small cocks and even smaller brains and urge anyone who knows of anybody who is intent on causing trouble on the day to contact us."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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