Written by Christopher Hall
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Thursday, 3 September 2009

In advance of his pending keynote speech, Gordon Brown was asked at Prime Minister's Questions whether, contrary to his promise of continual cash increases in spending and investment, the actual loss of entire hospitals and the closure of local village schools was in fact evidence of clear and savage cuts already in place. In reply, the prime minsiter answered "Only Labour offers the best education, the best health care and full employment, not just for the few, but for all Labour Voters."

The prime minister continued... "And I can announce to the House that from next January a New Voter Deal will be offered to reinvigorate political interest and offer voters a real chance to support their government. In addition, voters who register with the National Labour Voters Association will be issued with vouchers entitling them to discounts against council tax and winter fuel expenses, reduced waiting times on the NHS, and an employment guarantee."

Roy Partridge, labour veteran, supported the scheme, explaining how every voter in the country would have the opportunity to become a registered labour voter and support their government. He added that the voters' scheme had been trial run in the Spring, before the European elections. During the trial, voters could collect coupons from select marmalade jars and packets of crisps, and send off for a voucher entitling them to a free labour vote, but that uptake had been low. "The new deal would offer a real incentive to voters to support Labour, providing a much needed boost for the government", he said.

Opposition leaders derided the announcement, branding the idea a Labour Voter Voucher and a clear breach of impartiality . However, Margaret Bucket, in a short interview later the same day, added that the government holds the legitimate support of the country through the democratic process and would be introducing the scheme as planned from early next year.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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