The Bank of England has today released further figures to support its clear contention that the UK economy is moving positively towards the roadmap for a blueprint within the overall template in the search for the merest hint of a suggestion by financial fingers clutching tightly around the wispiest of straws that the economy is now well on the way toward moving out of recession.
'All the signs are that personal borrowing is at its lowest level for the past, ooohhh, six or seven days,' said Frank Nutcutlet, a spokesperson for the Bank. 'Well, at least in the home of Reginald Pinkney of Leighton Buzzard, whose fourteen year old son Jason has been 'grounded' since last week, which has saved the 49 year old refuse operative at least £20 in pocket-money this week! However, all in all, the signs are clearly encouraging.'
The Bank was quick to support these figures with what they described as 'further clear evidence' that the recovery was under way, and the green shoots are now visible.
'The number of mortgages waiting for an 'approval for approval' rose by 23% against the net repayment figures of the £200 million net lending agreements currently waiting for approval, and within the outstanding rise in credit borrowing against the significant year on year underlying rate of 46% disregard, encouraging an accumulated 4.7% base shift in the hedge-fund investment vehicles' ability to liquefy its marginally restrictive credit-debit consolidation assets, and of course credit card borrowing rates, contrary to the underlying trend, and all of which of course are tightly linked to the LIBOR rate under which the volume of lending can restrictively operate, and sometimes does, within the relevant accounting period, and even sometimes provide biscuits for poodles.'
'I think we can be cautiously optimistic,' Mr Nutcutlet went on to say.
Chancellor Alastair Darling is currently on holiday in a secure psychiatric unit, and was unavailable for immediate comment.