Written by J.M.Reay
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Topics: Soldier, Japanese

Saturday, 17 July 2004

image for ...Bong, Bong, Japanese Soldier Not Found on Atoll
Japans Cultural Minister Gets The News

This is ITN News at Ten, With Roger Wotsito..
"Good Evening. Our main story tonite; a previously undiscovered atoll in the English Channel has been found to not contain a Japanese soldier who had thought the war was still on and was holding out, under orders (paragraph 365 sub-section33c) of the Nippon War Council: never surrender.
Over now to our man on the Atoll, Alexander Graham Mobile, Alex..."
"Yes, Hallo Roger...I'm here standing on the previously undiscovered Atoll, in the south part of the English Channel. It was during a routine ferry crossing between Dover and Calais that Colonel C. Eastwood, piloting his own personal roll-on roll-off ferry, nearly beached the behemoth onto the rocky shore of this never before seen landmass.
Mr Eastwood, of Sedgley West Midlands picked up the ferry at a Dudley boat sale and is out on the channel most weekends. The force 11 hurricane that we saw rip up this waterway last night appears to have blown the boating commander off-track and straight into uncharted waters."
"Alex, we're hearing that no Japanese soldier was found hiding on the island labouring under the misapprehension that the war was still on. Is that in fact the case?"
"Indeed it would appear to be so Roger. I spoke to Mr Eastwood earlier today and i asked him if he had made a through search of the island before jumping to any rash conclusions"
"Yes well i dropped the anchor and headed ashore to have a good recce. I first looked in the caves naturally, and then searched for tunnels and traps in the thick underbrush. I can give you a firm guarantee that if there was one here he's likely got wind of the ceasefire and swam to Europe. I believe the news may have reached him through carrier pigeon. I saw several nests."
"Roger..."
"Alex, any plans to name the Atoll?"
"Yes at this time several suggestions have been suggested. Most promising seems to be 'Atolla', from the Greek Atoll, meaning land atoll. Another preferred choice is 'Southfork', after the famous ranch in the 70's television show Dallas, based in Texas. Supporters claim that the Atoll looks as big as Texas."
"Alexander Graham Mobile, thanks....Our other main story tonite, a man who fell off a ladder hurting his back, is claiming it was terrorism. Over to Crewe and Rosemary Flowers....Rosemary..."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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