Written by Simon Cockle
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Monday, 8 June 2009

image for North West, Yorkshire elect BNP MEPs; vote to secede from United Kingdom over slavery
The new flag of Lancashire

The British National Party were celebrating today after both the North West and Yorkshire voted to place a BNP MEP in the European parliament. Polling a total of just over 250,000 votes, the BNP rightly claimed to be a party that has tapped into the public feeling that runs high in this area of Britain.

Almost immediately there were calls by local politicians from Burnley to Leeds to move apart from the United Kingdom and form a separate confederacy of like-minded northern regions. Issues such as ownership of slaves, cloth-cap plantations and whites-only chip shops are likely to be high on the agenda. Already, the hanging of Asians in Blackburn has been legalised - several 'trouser-belt-and-brace' parties have been conducted.

Len White-Supremacist, 54, Mayor of Wigan, said this morning 'Too long, the white man has been a second-class citizen in his own land. No more shall we stand by and watch this great land of ours swamped by foreigners. Segregation now, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever.'

Ordinary people, too, have voiced their opinions. Elaine Child-Called-It, 34, from, Preston, explained on BBC Radio 5Live this morning 'I'm not racist, but I won't let them near my children. They're filthy with their curries and hair. They're like animals. I want them all to die and then go home. I want to kill, destroy and maim. I am very damaged.'

Nick Griffin, leader of the BNP, in his victory speech, said that more Northern states were ready to secede. Already, Lynyrd Skynyrd had been invited to re-record their most famous song as 'Sweet Home Thwaite' as a campaign song. A nominal line between Liverpool and the Wash, known as the Griffin-Brons line, had been drawn out and forces were being mobilised should the South launch an attack.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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