Trevor Bayliss - the so called "inventor" of the clockwork radio (a radio with a clockwork motor - genius?) has again come up trumps. His latest obsessional piece of clockwork trickery involved experimenting on himself - "A bit like Marie Curie" he said modestly - except that Marie Curie did something really worthwhile for mankind and burnt herself to death in the process.
The ever modest Mr Bayfull first gave me a boring two and a half hour lecture about his background - working in a shed surrounded by cogs and wheels etc and then announced (just as I settled into a deep sleep) that he had implanted a clockwork component into his own brain - giving him something approaching superhuman powers.
I woke up at this - was I to be the luckiest journalist on the planet - the first to hear something truly earth shattering ? Well no, not really. The incredibly boring Mr Bayleg had simply cut out part of his skull and dropped in a motor from a clockwork train - because he could. I challenged him (as I edged towards the door) to show me where this implant was as I could see no sign of it.
"Ah" he said "that's because I did it on him - and swept aside a curtain displaying a creation that would have done Frankinstein proud. "That's the real Trevor Bayliss" he foamed - I am his clockwork double - and he turned around to display a large silver key protruding from between his shoulder blades. The key was whirring furiously.
I opened the door and legged it down the corridor - persued by Mr Clockwork.
Luckily for me the key stopped turning - the monster doppelganger fell to the ground and I re-emerged into the sunlight.
I rushed home and destroyed my clockwork radio - I suggest you do the same.