Written by Morag
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Topics: Suicide Bombers

Sunday, 7 June 2009

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A would-be suicide bomber failed in his attempt to blow up himself and possibly hundreds of passers-by when the bomb he was carrying failed to detonate.

Shoppers all up and down City Road were saved only by the bombers lack of bomb making knowledge.

Reg Hollis of The Bill said, "These bombs have never been very successful due to the unsuitability of the constituent materials used. A bomb of this type really needs to use a plastic explosive. All the bomber could reasonably expect from this device would be a loud pop. He didn't even get the ratio of materials right. He's managed to use a half a pound of tuppenny rice but only seven ounces of treacle."

Greengrocer Cyril Smith, whose shop over looks the mulberry bush said, "I was bagging up cucumbers when I saw this weasel across the road hiding in the bush. He was clearly wearing some sort of vest. Next thing, he was fiddling with his shoes and then all of a sudden, pop! went the weasel!

The first police officer on the scene, WPC Iva Bigpear, told how the weasel was dazed but unharmed. "He couldn't run away as he was covered in treacle and stuck fast to the bush."

A Metropolitan police spokesman said, "As yet, the motive for the attack is unknown but we suspect that the Animal Liberation Front had a hand in this. It bears all the hallmarks...well, it was an animal."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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