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Friday, 5 June 2009

image for Does A Rope Make It Better?  Was It Worth It For Carradine, Hutchence And Milligan?
Rabbits - Usually Too Busy Shagging To Bother With Wanking

Meeting in London today, the world masturbation council held a minute's silence for actor David Carradine, who is believed to have perished in a masturbatory incident gone wrong, after his body was discovered in a Bangkok hotel wardrobe with a strategically placed rope.

The actor, 72, was never particularly renowned for being a wanker, yet had apparently previously displayed suicidal tendencies according to close friends. It is believed that the actor was attempting to gain sexual gratification by tying a noose around his neck, a tactic not highly reccommended by the world masturbation council.

"Whilst it is true that strangulation can enhance the sexual experience it can also quite easily go tragically wrong," a world masturbation council spokesman told us. Adding: "We all know that masturbation can be fun, but it's just not worth that extra buzz that could make it fatal. Not only fatal, but in most cases, extremely embarrassing."

The world masturbation council have previously counselled family members of INXS singer Michael Hutchence who was found dead from wanking in an Australian hotel room, in Australia. And the family of Stephen Milligan, Conservative MP for Eastleigh, who was found strangled by electrical flex whilst wanking wearing a tutu, stockings and suspenders, and a Manchester City football shirt. Biting down on a tangerine.

News of the wearing of a Manchester City football shirt whilst dying from wanking was held back at the time to spare family members from excessive ridicule.

The world masturbation council announced the launch of a new 'Wank Safely' initiative in Liverpool next week. Where apparently most people are wankers.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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