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Friday, 5 June 2009

image for Sir Alan Sugar takes on Prime Minister

Alan Sugar will be standing in as Prime Minister and has vowed to 'hire and fire' where necessary. The Hackney born and bread selling barrow boy was first asked by Gordon Brown to be the enterprise tsar in the cabinet reshuffle but has now changed sides after the ConDems won, 'I'm never on the losing side' he says.

Sir Alan has said that he will except the task and do his utmost to save the country from further disaster, once he has dealt with 'the little toe-rags on The Junior Apprentice' has been finished. 'It's important to finish what I started' says the entrepreneur, 'I'll get a new apprentice in, then I'll get started with sorting out this bloody mess, I can tell you where every screw, nut and bolt is in my company. I know everything in my business. Never, ever, underestimate me; it is my business to sort this country'.

It is clear that Sir Alan means business and he knows exactly what to do. His first plan is to cut all expenses spent on Moats, Duck Houses and 6th home allowances, swiftly followed by changing the name of London to Hackney in a bid to strengthen the economy, he went on 'I was born in Hackney. When you're born in Hackney and you do well in life, you move to Chigwell' the home counties will change there names to Chigwell to cope with the increase of deluded residents.

Her Majesty The Queen is said to be 'most pleased' with the decision of Sugar ruling the country, but is against the name the change, Sir Alan was quick to respond with 'If you think I've got to where i am by not making big moves, big changes then you're mistaken, watch and learn Love'.

As of the 1st June, Sir Alan will be running the country despite having AIDS. Both Nick and Margaret will be by his side throughout the process and will be Chancellor and Foreign Secretary respectively, whilst David Clegg moves house.

Gordon Brown is said to be shaken by the move in parties, as a result he has taken up a strong and effective crack cocaine addiction with Susan Boyle, the couple are said to have met in The Priory rehab clinic.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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