Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 1 June 2009

image for Susan Boyle Kicked Out Of Scotland
The useless statue

Susan Boyle, the defeated Scottish singing sensation who lost out in Saturday's Britain's Got Talent competition to Diversity, a group of 'streetdancers', has been told she is no longer welcome north of the border, and has been given 7 days to leave her West Lothian home.

The news comes after the unemployed 48-year-old was beaten into second place as a result of the unauthorised calls of millions of pesky kids, who, instead of voting for Boyle, chose to register their discontent by multiple-voting for Diversity.

This afternoon, the Scottish National Party leader, Alex Salmond, told ministers in the Scottish parliament at Holyrood that Boyle would "have to go", and that she was "an embarrassment to Scotland."

Salmond said:

"The whole of Scotland has been counting on the lassie. We've even commissioned a special statue of her to be placed in front of the parliament building, which is now useless. The statue, I mean, not the parliament building."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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