Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 25 May 2009

image for Susan Boyle Sings Her Way Into The "Britain's Got Talent" Semi-Finals
Susan Boyle shown walking in her neighborhood. She reportedly walks a total of 17 miles each day.

LONDON - Susan Boyle, the 47-year-old singing sensation says she wants to win "Britain's Got Talent" grand prize of 100,000 pounds ($159,000 U.S.) so bad she can taste it.

The Scottish lass in her latest performance sang "Memory" from the play Cats. And she again brought the house down. People wanted her to sing an encore, but the show's rules strictly prohibit it.

Boyle did not go in for the 'Glamour Makeover' that many viewers felt she would do. Her dress was nicer than the dress she wore in her first performance. She said the first dress cost $27 and the second one cost $36.

She did say rather shyly that she wore the same knickers that she wore before because she is somewhat superstitious.

Susan said that several people suggested that she get her eyebrows plucked, but she refused saying that it was one of the things that gave her the ability to sing so fantastically beautiful.

Miss Boyle said that one of her great grandmothers, Edithia had eyebrows that looked like a pair of black socks. In fact her husband, Myles used to tease her by saying that if each one of her eyebrow hairs was a nickel, he'd have about 125,000 nickels.

As of now the closest challengers to the grand prize are Hollie Steel, an English ten-year-old who it has been revealed is the granddaughter of theatrical singer Julie Andrews.

Simon Cowell disclosed that he has secured the rights to The Hollie Steel English Muffin-Flavored Pacifers. Cowell added that as of this past week, pacifer sales had already numbered over one million.

It has been rumored that little Hollie only weighs 37 pounds, but her mother says that she actually weighs 39 pounds.

Another crowd-favorite is Jamie Pugh, a pizza deliveryman who many say strongly resembles New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson.

Jamie, who hails from Wales says that he has taken quite a liking to Susan Boyle and has told "Britain's Got Talent" judge Amanda Holden that after the competition ends, win or lose he would like to take Miss Boyle out for a spot of tea and a dash of salt.

In related news. Due to the fact that Susan Boyle has stated that her pet cat is named Pebbles, the Lancashire Animal Agency is reporting that the name Pebbles has now become the most popular cat name in the United Kingdom.

And it is now also the third most popular name for dogs, the fifth most popular name for horses, and the eleventh most popular nickname for girlfriends.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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