Written by Skoob1999
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Friday, 22 May 2009

image for BGT Irish Dancer Is A Raving Nutter
All Together Now!

Neil Horan, the red kilted Irish dancer who made it through to the BGT semi-finals on a split vote, has been exposed today as a dangerous extremist nutter.

Horan, 62, a defrocked priest and one-time alleged sex offender was revealed to hold some pretty strange views on life and the world in general. Including urging Iran to unleash nuclear destruction on Israel.

Embarrassed BGT officials revealed that they hadn't run checks on the wacky contestant thus far. Had they done so, they would have found out that Horan:

Has been banned from being anywhere near the London Marathon route.

Disrupted the Olympic Games marathon in Athens in 2004 by barging into the race leader.

Ran onto the track at the British Grand Prix in 2003, endangering his own life and those of the participating drivers.

On each occasion, Horan was caught on camera, and was wearing an outfit IDENTICAL TO THE ONE HE WORE AT THE BGT AUDITIONS. Yet still the penny failed to drop.

A straw poll of Spoofers revealed that most actually want to see Horan in the final, because he will inevitably say or do something stupid and brighten up what has rapidly degenerated into a turgid, mind-numbing hour of Saturday evening television.

Horan himself told us, through a third party:

"I'll have my day. My time. And the world will bow before me. Oh yes. Don't you worry about that."

More if we survive the inevitable apocalypse.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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