Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 22 May 2009

image for The Gurkhas Are Coming!
A real Gurkha treat!

(Joanna Lumley Latest) There was mayhem in central London this afternoon when, after a meeting at Downing Street with Prime Minister Gordon Brown, the ex-New Avengers totty, Joanna Lumley, emerged from no.10 and announced the grave news that:

"The Gurkhas are coming!"

The Gurkhas are tenacious little fighting machines made in Nepal, and have, for many years, been used by the British Army to do the 'more-shitty battles' that require heroism and bravery of a sort not regularly found in anyone with a fully-working set of faculties.

They have been campaigning for months for the right to settle in the UK after serving in Britain's armed forces, but, having been refused this right, took matters into their own hands, and have now announced plans to invade.

It's thought the Gurkhas number about 5,000, and, with their reduced height, they would be able to sneak onshore without anyone seeing them, and to charm local residents with their calm, pleasant and non-confrontational demeanours.

They consume little or no food, and would, therefore, be able to survive on virtually nothing but worms and treebark for weeks.

A British Army spokesman said:

"We're on the lookout, but they're such sneaky little buggers that they're difficult to spot!"

Miss Lumley, 81, said tonight:

"I wish I'd never taken up their cause, the ungrateful little buggers!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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