Three British swine 'flu victims today claimed that the 300,000 Britons who died of heart disease last year got more coverage than them in the press.
'It's terrible', said Mr. Mal Ingerer, from his golf course in Sussex, 'why should those heart people get all the attention, when we have the worst case of 'flu since the last one? I ask you ...'. And his golfing partner, Mrs. Delilah Mkoko, added: 'What a load of crap! How dare those socialist swine get the coverage we deserve? Next thing it'll be headlines about thousands of car crash victims in the news! I'm shocked.'
Minister of Hypochondria, Sir Alex Harvey, agreed with the swine 'flu victims' complaints. 'My, my, Delilah', he said, 'it's all about money, honey. The impossible dream of a faith healer is simply not impossible. Hope they're dancing cheek to cheek when their cars explode, and their hearts do too.'
Soon the news will be filled with stories about budgie 'flu and Emu's Syndrome - a sickness that makes politicians blether lies about trivial ailments whenever the public start noticing that politicians are parasites.
Gordon Brown and Barack Obama were unavailable for comment, as they were too busy sending soldiers to blow Iraqi children to pieces in the name of freedom.