Hazel Bleuughs, minister for patronising and talking down to the masses launched a savage attack on PM Gordon Brown this weekend for being, "useless, out of touch and just utterly rubbish, frankly". However, she later backed down saying that this was no way intended as an attack on the Prime Minister, whom she is 100% behind and is doing a wonderful job.
"I think our problem," she went on to explain, "is that we're just not good at getting our message across. We are out of touch with the great unwashed who, unfortunately, we are forced to rely on for votes. We are sending out mixed messages, and this is Gordon Brown's fault entirely. Though of course it isn't."
Bleuughs is the forty second Labour MP to speak out against the party this weekend. Another, David Junkett, ex-Minister for making sure we can keep tabs on the plebs at all times, said in an interview, "The realisation that we're a bit shit really, came after polls were pouring in showing that voters - who we have always taken totally for granted - are now so disillusioned with us that we run a real risk of losing our places at the trough er, I mean seats at Westminster. For many of us, we have known no other job than politics and the idea of having to get by in the real world is terrifying."
Charles Barking, the Blairite ex-minister for setting targets, benchmarking and testing everything that moves agrees entirely, "If Brown doesn't pull his finger out and make sure we can all carry on with the lifestyles we've become accustomed to, and deserve, he will find many MPs defecting after the election to the party that won. It pains me, as I ideologically believe strongly in the New Labour ideal of not believing ideologically in anything. However I don't see what other choice we have.'