Whitehall, London - An MP has been queried over an expense submitted for £1,000 for "lunch." Under the "Description" in the spreadsheet the MP called the expense "lunch for one at McDonalds to peruse important governmental documents". The unnamed MP, let's just call him David Cameron, was called into a meeting yesterday to discuss the expense.
MPs have recently been told by the parliamentary watchdog Evil Politicians We are Watching You (EPaWY) that any expenses that are seen to be unusual and extraordinary will be questioned before a panel of experts. If found guilty, the MP in question will face a disciplinary action.
Mr Cameron was hauled in before the EPWaWY yesterday morning to face questions about the unusual expense.
"Well it started last night" Mr Cameron said, "I asked my wife what was for dinner and she told me that she was too tired to cook so we would be having left-overs. I felt angry and hurt. What had I done to deserve such treatment? I started to wonder what I had done wrong. Questions without any answers started to swirl around my ahead. I became moody and withdrawn. I put my left-overs in the microwave but didn't put the heat on for long enough. They tasted cold and tasteless. It was awful, one of the worst nights of my life. As I lay in bed that night I wept softly to myself."
"The next day I got up and noticed Barbara had made my sandwich. It was chicken with avocado and mayonnaise. To be honest, it looked rather delicious. She'd wrapped the sandwich in tin foil. All of a sudden I felt this throbbing pain in my groin. I ran screaming to the bathroom "
It was at this point when the panel members realised that this Mr Cameron had very grand illusions of being the next Dan Brown. They asked him to "wrap it up" and explain why he spent £1,000 at McDonalds and expensed it back to the taxpayers.
Mr Cameron hurriedly explained that after the groin incident, which turned out to be nothing but a flashback from the night before, he was in such "a tizz" that he rushed out the door without his chicken sandwich. He didn't even realise until lunchtime when he opened his briefcase. He felt so traumatised when he realised he'd left the sandwich at home that he took off to McDonalds and ordered everything on the menu.
Afterwards, he felt dirty and used. He couldn't believe what he had done. "I'll regret it for the rest of my life" said Mr Cameron "but at least I don't have to pay for it."
As we speak, Mr Cameron is still explaining to the panel the reason for the large expense. Mr Cameron is expected to finish telling his lunch story by the end of tomorrow.
The panel will deliver their verdict thereafter.
To be continued.