An eccentric British University Lecturer today denounced the conspiracy theories surrounding the 9/11 atrocities in New York City as:
Conspiracists have claimed that the twin towers were rigged with explosives, that the planes weren't really planes at all, but missiles made to look like planes with the help of holographic projection, that an airliner couldn't possibly have hit the Pentagon because the hole in the wall didn't fit in with a plane impact, and that passengers who bravely stormed the cockpit of flight 93 found nobody at the controls. Or possibly a robot. It was a Zionist plan designed to bring the US more heavily into the middle east, thus affording Israel greater security in the area. It was an American plan devised to extend US control over oil prices. It was a terminator. It was Mickey Mouse. It was Michael Jackson attempting to deflect attention from things he'd probably rather we didn't know about.
"Bunkum," the Lecturer, who wishes to remain anonymous told us: "Anybody who believes this nonsense needs his head extracting from his own arse hole. The sheer logistics and back up work required to pull something like this off make such theories redundant. I'd suggest these idiots devote their time to something more constructive, like seeing how long they can hold their breath or something. Conspiracy theorists my arse. Losers."
More as we get it.