Written by Charles Letterman
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Wednesday, 22 April 2009

image for Liverpool - Police hunt men

Once again Liverpool is a city in mourning as all of Liverpool Football club's back four have gone missing.

The players failed to turn up for the match against Chelsea last week but were expected to return to Anfield in last night's fixture with Arsenal. However, it was evident after about 40 minutes that the four were not on the pitch.

Sportingly, Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger recognised the unfolding disaster and instructed his team not to score. Unfortunately Russian striker Andrey Arshavin, a recent Arsenal signing, didn't understand the instructions and proceeded to score 4 times, equalling the number of goals Liverpool scored while Arsenal were involved in impromptu minute silences.

Speaking after the match an emotional Arshavin said, "The significance of it all was explained to me in the dressing room at full time. Cilla Black, The Beatles, Liver Birds, Brookside, Z Cars - if I had known all of that, I wouldn't have tried to score."

Police are scouring the city today, and it is believed that they are following up unusual reports of four defenders being sighted at the nearby Goodison Park, home to Everton FC.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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