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Sunday, 19 April 2009

image for Chris Moyles: "I resign" claims his fat mouth.
Moyles heart: Creative epicentre of Radio One

Stinging criticism directed at the erstwhile Radio One flagship program host and, celebrity Disc Jockey appears to have hit home. The oversize mouthpiece of Radio Ones flagship, morning program Chris Moyle's, trotted out and away during a heated management meeting. "We left the sty open for five minutes and he was off", claimed a minion at the Beeb.

Concerns have been expressed at Moyle's conduct and behaviour recently following an outburst that left him in a Korma for three days. "We found him locked in the Vindhaloo and had to break the door down", claims farmer Hoggett. "Once in his flat, we found a pigsty of tired, formulaic, derivative drivel that would turn anyone's stomach apart from the most thick headed. Further, inside, we also found hours of Joe Whiley smeared everywhere. It was disgusting".

Specialists at the Hamshire, porcine, cardio vascular recovery unit are said to be concerned that the heart of the Chris Moyle's breed may be in terminal decline and the only thing to do is castrate it to remove the huge flabby jowls that threaten to asphyxiate the pig headed monster.

"Moyles may be in the advance stages of "no talent syndrome", claims a pig close to the sauce. A Sweet and sour sauce close to the star refused to confirm or deny the suspected diagnosis.

Symptoms of "No talent "include deluding yourself that you are genuinely talented and charismatic, attractive to women, excessive weight gain, especially around the jowls, and talking out of your arse prior to disappearing up it.

Other, anonymous sources are claiming that "Comedy Dave" has carried the fat, conceited, deluded, idiot for years and that following initial success; it soon became clear that this piggy's bank was empty. Moyles has had, and frequently boasts about, a wide array of celebrity guests on his show.

In the Summer of 2004, Moyles interviewed the then British Prime Minister, Tony Blair as part of Sport Relief. Among other questions posed to the PM was to name his favourite type of cheese, to which Blair replied "cheddar". Many saw this as the pinnacle of Moyles career and that there was nowhere left to go creatively.

A long-running gag throughout certain interviews is for Chris to demonstrate and describe the hydraulic desk in the studio. This is usually done if the team consider the visiting guest to be less than entertaining or boring.

"Its an "in joke", claims Sally Silly the producer. "Everyone knows which way the wind blows in this studio, and that Chris is easily the biggest source of hot, compressed gas in town."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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