Written by P. D. Smalls
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Topics: Jade Goody

Friday, 27 March 2009

CELEBRITY Jade Goody has spoken for the first time about the terrible conditions she has been forced to endure since her death.

Currently stuck in a Travel-inn on the M3, Mrs Goody has no humane sanitation or catering facilities in what she described as nothing but a wooden box.

Problems arose as she was served a judicial order from Kevin Woland as she went to take her up her rightful throne in heaven.

Mr Woland claims he bought her soul for 50p, a claim denied by the Big Brother and Heat magazine celebrity.

Mrs Goody spoke to me through a special medium brought in amid the recent claims.

"This is not what I was told it was like, I asked for views across eternity and 5.000 angels playing Robbie Williams songs," the star said.

"They've shoved me in this, this box, and I'm being treated no better than a D-lister, I don't see that actress bird having to be forced to endure such a degrading situation.

"Don't they know who I was, I'm a bloody celebrity, I want out of here."

Mr Woland, said he still has the contract, which was carved in the back of a close associate of Mrs Goody, and would fight his case in the Europe if he had to.

Mr Woland said: She is mine, she knows she's mine and she's trying to get out of her legal binds, we need her down here with us, or at least until Jim Davidson cashes in his chips."

God refused to comment but a close friend said he was livid and would move hell and high water to get her into heaven as he wanted the stars autograph to complete his Big Brother 3 scrap book.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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