Written by Mrs Kensington
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Saturday, 14 March 2009

image for Riots at O2 as Jacko Revealed as David Van Day
Jackson - "dead"

Up to 200 people received 'minor injuries' in London yesterday when a riot broke out outside the O2 arena, after it was announced that Michael Jackson's 50 date comeback was a sophisticated hoax, and the spooky star was in fact dead.

Thousands of fans of the self-styled 'King of Pop' have been queueing all week for the chance to see the 50 year old play live in the UK for the last time, but at around 7pm last night promoters announced that everyone might as well go home as it had all been a "misunderstanding" and Jackson had actually been dead for five years. "Everything just kicked off" an onlooker told reporters. "People were going mental kicking in doors and windows, wailing and demanding to be shown his body".

In a press conference this morning, a spokesman confirmed that Jackson had indeed died "some time ago" as a result of a botox accident and admitted "we've all been the victims of a 'cruel and mercenary conman". The imposter was said to be so convincing that even Jackson's family went on a $3 billion spending spree to celebrate the frail popster's return from the grave.

The identity of the conman is a mystery, but unconfirmed reports suggest that the hoax was the brain-child of 80's pop has-been David Van Day (62), who underwent surgery to resemble the skeletal superstar and announced the 50 date comeback at the O2 Arena last week. "He's had the idea ever since he came back from the jungle" his long-term partner Thereze Bazar(70) told reporters. "He was desperate, he's tried everything he could think of to get back into the hearts of the British public - including climbing Mt Kilimanjaro for Comic Relief - but they still think he's an irritating, tubby little twat - well you can see their point."

Van Day was unavailable for comment today, but his agent confirmed that when he was invited to have a face lift on a recent documentary, he took the opportunity to have his legs lenghthened 12 inches, a radical nose reduction and "extensive fat removal". She added that nothing could be done about his thinning crown, however, and his thick black Jackson-style hair was "just a wig."

Van Day's whereabouts are unknown, but Bazar was said to be "relieved" that the whole thing was now out in the open. "David's always looked like a smurf when he moonwalks" she confided. "Can you imagine what the fans would have done when he started singing "Biff Baff Boff We're Celebrities?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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