Written by Mrs Kensington
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Thursday, 12 March 2009

image for Patsy Palmer 'Livid' After Comic Relief Saggy Boob Jibe
Palmer - "spaniel's ears"

In sensational scenes on 'Comic Relief Does the Apprentice' to be screened tonight, Patsy Palmer is seen attacking Ultimo Lingerie boss Michele Mone, with a DD underwired, padded bodyshaper after the multi-millionaire claimed that even her range of state-of-the-art cleavage-enhancing bras could do nothing for the 'Eastenders' star's 'saggy spaniel's ears'

Fellow celebrities, including Fiona Phillips, Carol Vorderman and Maureen Lipman, tried to restrain Palmer, who was screaming "I'll 'ave you, you stuck up, peroxide Scottish Tart" and slapping Mone around the head with the high quality underwear and her flip flop.

"It was quite exciting really" toothy camp comic Alan Carr told reporters. "I felt like I was actually on Eastenders. Gok Wan was a bit frightened though. He was terrified that she was going to ruin her flip flop." Jonathan Ross added "It was vewy fwustwating, there were bwas and bweasts evewywhere, I twied to gwab a gwope but it was all too quick"

A BBC spokesman told reporters "Obviously this is a very serious matter that is not in the spirit of Comic Relief and very regrettable".

Alan Sugar was unavailable for comment today, but a colleague stated "Sir Alan was not amused at all. He is an unassuming and sophisticated man, who does a lot of work for charity. The last thing he needs is a rough, gobby eastender whose only claim to fame is running a market stall, going ape in his boardroom"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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