Robert Bolton, an IT sales executive, credit control assistant or retail analyst from somewhere like Chester or Chesterfield announced today that he doesn't hate football, he likes it, actually.
"I'm a big fan of Beckham, obviously, and that Wayne Rooney seems very talented as well." Bolton, who never watches football on television and never reads the sports section of newspapers and has no interest whatsoever in football was seen earlier today attaching an England flag to his Seat Ibiza and whistling that tune from the opera that was used for a world cup on the BBC a few years ago.
Bolton's neighbour, Steve Pennyman, asked Bolton which team he supported:
"England, obviously" replied Bolton, laughing.
"No, which local team do you support?"
Bolton paused, whitening visibly, and then muttered, "Errrr... Arsenal?"
Sources close to Bolton report that he was seen recently in a pub showing England's match against someone or other, yelling over-excitedly whenever England had possession, shouting abuse at the screen whenever they lost possession, and generally making the other football fans very uncomfortable and awkward.
Analysts predict Bolton's interest in football will subside at almost exactly the same time as England are knocked out of Euro 2004, and will revive again in time for the next International tournament.
Wednesday, 23 June 2004
Make Peter Higgins's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)
The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.
If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
RSS
Follow us on Twitter
More fake news stories
Glasgow Kiss For UKIP
Nigel Farrago was having a rethink over his Gay Marriage policy after receiving a Glasgow Kiss in Scotland.
Blinded with emotion he declared: 'My welcome here has moved me considerably and in honour of my Scottish pals I've decided to break with t...
Gitmo to close - detainees to enter foster care
President Barrack Obama announced in a press conference from the White House Rose Garden today that the controversial terrorist detention facility in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba will be closed by the end of the year.
Obama said that detainees will...
'CIA has played a counter-intelligence blinder' says Mossad bureau chief
Pyongyang - The arrest of alleged CIA spy Ryan Fogle in a Moscow sting op has seen Mossad's top North Korea desk intelligence officer piss herself with laughter at the ploy.
"Some audacity of dope, eh?" Commander Ziva Davide [no relation] chuckle...
Disgraced Cardinal sentenced to full Bell Book N Candle exorcism
The Gorbals, Glasgow - Demoted in the ranks for gross misconduct the former Primate of Scotland has been ordered into exile from his Scottish stamping ground for processing and re-assimilation at a Vatican exorcism.
Ex-Cardinal Keith O'Brien will...
Gateshead Couple Fall on Hard Times
A middle-aged couple are recovering in hospital after a freak accident on their local high street.
George and Florence Sellers tripped over a tightly bound parcel of newspapers which had been left for them outside their newsagents shop. They fell...
Theresa May suspects she should remain anonymous until charged
London - "There will be circumstances," Home Secretary Theresa May said today, "when keeping yer gob shut and pleading The Fifth will be in the best interests of the Conservative Party."
That means people who have been arrested should not be named...
British drones in Afghan poppy destruction ops
Afghanistan - Remote controlled British drones armed with genetically modified aphids are being deployed for the first time over the Tora Bora in operations targeting Afghani opium production.
Billions of GM bugs capable of munching their own body...
Motor cars in UK getting bigger
The average size of a family motor car in Britain has increased by over 30 per cent during the first three months of this year, according to road surveys carried out by teams of weight watchers and nosey-parkers.
In 2011 and 2012, the average car...