Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: Police, Prison

Saturday, 28 February 2009

image for Police to use Mobile Jails - Tories  say
More bobbies on beat: MUGS parked outside Starbucks in Warrington during a coffee break

According to Conservative MPs, the police may be able to use mobile jails in the near future to apprehend suspected criminals. Ivor Copp, Shadow Minister for police reform told In Seine News:

"The public have long been crying out for more 'bobbies on the beat' and, as such, it would solve that problem because policemen/policewomen would no longer have to go back to the station to process crime reports etc. We are also considering scrapping much of the paperwork involved. It is about time that we got handcuffs off the police and on to the criminals - is it any wonder there is such a growing number of them?"

We intend to call them "mobile urban gaols" or MUGs which will strike fear into the hearts of the criminal fraternity (if they have one). I can see the headlines now; "have you been mugged today?" or... "muggers caught by MUGs" or even... "Police are no MUGs, they just have them!"

The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, has offered a fleet of disused bendy-buses for the purpose. The vehicles could be used for fingerprinting and taking DNA swabs as well as issuing ASBOs when trouble breaks out, and that particularly where sharp knives, pointy sticks, guns or housebricks are involved, such as at football matches.

The Labour Party contend that they already have mobile urban jails - they can be clearly seen every day on the M25.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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