Written by Roy Turse
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Sunday, 15 February 2009

image for Porn Star Opens Herself Up To Ridicule

Following the news that Porn Star Stormy Daniels is to run for the American Senate, a little-known UK 'actress' and 'reader's wife' has decided to stand for Parliament at the next election. Dusty Cavern (57) aims to become MP for North Suffolk & Central Ipswich, a post currently held by the Conservative Monty Bedwetter.

Dusty, who's real name is Hyacinth Bucket but who changed it to avoid the inevitable confusion with a bucket, has starred in several racy videos and Webcam-to-YouTube blockbusters. She was narrowly beaten to one of several 'secret' BAFTAs this year by her regular co-star Miles O'Wanger. Her most famous role was as 'primary receiver' in Ron Howard's 'Raining Men', although she is also well known from her portrayal of a young student in 'Dusty does Dagenham' (1968).

Dusty says she hopes to be elected on a platform of sexual innuendo, catchy sound-bites and VIP blackmail, and says that her aim is to become Members Secretary of the Labour Party and Minister for Rough Trade.

Whereas Stormy Daniels and other 'Adult Entertainment' stars who have attempted to move into politics have done so while relatively young, Dusty is no longer the ravishing beauty she never was. Her success in films has been attributed to her 'willingness and enthusiasm' rather than her looks, and her granddaughter recently called her a 'Minging Slag'.

A telephone poll of constituents recorded that, on a scale of one to a hundred where one means "sensible" and a hundred means "ridiculous", most people thought she was close to 70.

Searching for Dusty Cavern on Wikipedia did not provide any information, but we did find all Dusty's entries.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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