Written by Dungeekin
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Monday, 2 February 2009

Former Countdown presenter Carol Vorderman has been hired by the Conservatives to front their new fiscal policy team, we can exclusively reveal.

A spokesman for David Cameron said that the brunette brainbox was taking time out of her hectic schedule of advertising crappy loan companies to head up a new task force looking at how Government financial policy should work in a post-Recession world.

Under the new fiscal policy proposed by the task force, the Budget would be calculated using a mathematical system whereby the Chancellor would select five numbers from a grid of 20, and a computer would be used to generate a Budget figure from these numbers. The Treasury team will then have 30 seconds to work out how it was created, and allocate the budget accordingly.

Shadow Chancellor George Osborne said, "this new approach is a radical step. Instead of a top-down or bottom-up allocation system, we will be adopting a 'one from the top and four from anywhere else' system. Carol's been explaining it to us, and we're sure it will bring clarity and simplicity to the Budget system".

A Treasury spokesman attacked the Opposition proposals as 'unworkable', saying, "this is another example of the Tory 'do-nothing' policy. We are convinced that the current system, whereby Budget figures are calculated pulling random numbers out of Gordon Brown's arse, is more workable and sustainable in the long term".

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