Written by IainB
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Topics: Police, Theft, Taser

Thursday, 8 January 2009

image for Welly Thief Almost Got Away With It
The Taser was ineffective

Police armed with Tasers were almost foiled by a thief wearing Wellington boots.

Police were called to the Gorton branch of the TSB in the early hours of yesterday morning when the alarm was tripped. The station only being a hundred metres away, officers were on the scene inside of an hour in time to see "Dirty" Mark Vorn exiting the bank carrying a shotgun and employing what one officer described as a "gait straight from the ministry of Silly Walks".

Vorn, 36, of the Gorton Crime Estate, had stolen nearly three hundred pounds from the TSB branch in Gorton and brandished the shotgun towards the half a dozen officers. In line with new government guidelines, the officers fired their Tasers at Vorn, making him look like a pincushion, except with thousands of volts attached.

Unfortunately for the officers, Vorn was wearing rubber soled Wellington Boots, and the electricity had no effect on the criminal.

"He just laughed," said Detective Inspector Phil Inns. "After pulling out the Taser pins, he proceeded to run away in an Easterly direction down Market Street towards the Crime Estate, where he knew we would be unable to follow."

A brave and quick thinking officer pursued Vorn on foot, whereby Vorn discovered the downside of the Wellies: the overweight and unfit police officer was able to catch up with him and tackle him to the floor fairly easily. Once on the floor more Tasers were applied and Vorn was incapacitated.

Vorn later announced that next time he would try rubber soled plimsolls instead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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