Written by Andy Woolfoot
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Monday, 29 December 2008

JOURNALIST Carole Malone has collapsed in on herself forming a spiraling vortex of hate, according to reports.

Colleagues say that The News of the World columnist Carole was sat at her desk reading this week's copy of Spicy magazine before emitting a high-pitched shriek and forming the swirling vortex which is pulling all hate caught in its gravity towards it.

A source explained that Carole had been reading an article in which Coleen Rooney claimed to be still just a normal working-class girl from Liverpool despite recently receiving her second Bentley, according to a report which was lifted from The Times website.

Experts believe this prompted the implosion which has so far sucked in a passing member of the BNP and several Daily Mail readers.

Professor Erin Woolcraft of Cambridge University's Department of Please Mind My Business believes the implosion was sad but not totally unexpected.

"Carole has been one of the country's top journalists for decades now but in recent years she has struggled to suppress her bubbling hate levels for stories which provoke outrage," he said.
"It was only a matter of time before something like this happened.

"These human-vortexes can be very difficult to adapt to and Carole may well be forced to change her whole lifestyle - but she has only got everyone else in the world to blame."

Metropolitan Police investigating the incident and are urging anyone who have ever done anything to upset Carole ever to come forward.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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