Written by Skoob1999
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Topics: Christmas, Royalty

Thursday, 18 December 2008

image for Royal Family To Go Out For Christmas Dinner
Toilet Paper/Wrapping Paper - What's In A Name? An Awful Lot If You Value Your Arse.

It has been revealed by the august organ 'Times Of The Radio And Stuff Christmas Edition' that the Royal family are to venture out for Christmas dinner, which means effectively that HRH's Christmas speech will not be broadcast as per tradition.

'This is just wrong' said Gyles Brandreth, Royal Media Great British Eccentric To Her Majesty The Queen.

It is feared that millions of British subjects will be left in limbo at about 3pm on Christmas Day.

Eagerly awaiting the reigning monarch's words of wisdom regarding horrible annuses etc.

It is feared that up to 245 million British subjects will be left choking on their badly cooked and quite frankly, horrendously dry turkey dinners whilst simultaneously nursing monumental hangovers.

And trying to assemble kit form prezzies for the little ones.

While at the same time struggling to focus, let alone function.

'Have they no mercy?' said a bloke who sleeps in a skip.

'Going out on Christmas Day is just irresponsible,' said John Stalker, former sun awning salesman and one time great British copper. 'Especially when we're all waiting for a bit of Royal guidance.'

We contacted the BBC.

Rather in outraged mode it must be said.

They told us:

'We can only assume that you've dropped a bit of a whiffter here. The ones who are going out for Christmas dinner are not, in fact the Royal Family, but the Royle Family.'

'You know, the family with Barb and Jim and bone idle Denise and her hubby Dozy Dave. And Anthony - the lazy little shite.'

When asked for a response, The Duke Of Edinburgh quipped:

'Me going round to the kids on Chrissy day for dinner? MY ARSE!'

Twiggy, the fat Scouser portrayed by Geoffrey Somebody Or Other Hughes declined to comment as he was busy and vehemently denied being in possession of a sense of humour.

Irish Joe, the next door neighbour was also unavailable for comment as he was up the Infirmary getting his arse stitched up following some confusion over the correct application of toilet/wrapping paper in case of emergency.

It was, it can be revealed, Cheryl, the fat bird who ate all the pies.

We'll be right back just as soon as we get a newsworthy story.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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