Written by IainB
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Friday, 12 December 2008

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Sod off, you fake!

Santa Claus was exposed as a fraud today by a school teacher in Liverpool.

The young teacher, Miss Take, shocked the pupils in her charge when she announced that Santa Claus was fictitious to a class of six and seven year old children. She shattered their hopes and dreams by her statement. According to reports when asked what Father Christmas was bringing her for Christmas, she responded with: "Don't be stupid you little brat, Father Christmas isn't real, it's a stupid fairy story made up by your parents to try and make you behave in December, now go and sit down and do your quadratic equations."

The Head Teacher at All Hallows School of the Little Jerusalem in Toxteth, Mr Chris Cross had to make a hurried press announcement to mitigate the fall out from Miss Take's outburst.

"Miss Take was under great strain at the time of the outburst," Cross said. "The new literacy and numeracy curriculum have just come in, and we now have to teach the infants advanced applied maths, and how to use apostrophes and semicolons in passive sentences. On top of this she had just heard herself that Santa is a myth, and was understandably upset."

Cross's announcement caused further consternation among the reporters, many of whom found out at that moment that Father Christmas was not real. There were many tears in the room.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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