Written by jeremy griffiths
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Topics: Sex, Celebrities

Monday, 1 December 2008

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George Michael - At a needy time

Leading discreet celebrity shagaceleb agency Mosely-Twat-Mosely, was today revealed to include "Ramrod" Ramsey, "Squeaky" Becks and George "What's-white-and-runs-down-walls?" Michael, among its more needy clients. It is understood that George Michael is among the most demanding clients, requiring ever more extreme stunts to keep him in the limelight.

The agency which caters to the pathetic insecurity needs of its saddo punters makes huge amounts of money by inventing press stories usually involving sex-romps to keep the huge ego's of these tragic dullards massaged.

It is known that celebs such as "Posh" will actually wither and die if the light of publicity is absent for more than 72 hours. The agency is so innovative that it has a division creating it's own "Spoof" stories, on the basis that any story that gets the needy celeb's name out there, is nourishment for their huge egos.

Mosely-Twat-Mosely never comments directly on its client list, it works by hooking up desperate celebs and inventing stories to release to the press. The celeb punters are coached in what comments to leak, careless disclosures of text and phone messages, and attend "Brave Face" seminars where they learn to "look brave but hurt", and rehearse lines such as "for the sake of the kids" at the group's Balls Pond Road secret studio.

The agency retains a select band of what they refer to as "The Office Bikes" currently popular "Bikes" are Sarah Symonds and Rebecca (WC) Loos. The "Bikes" are well paid to be seen with saddo celebs, and sometimes even progress to becoming needy punters themselves.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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