Written by Duff
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Topics: Crisps, Gary Lineker

Wednesday, 26 November 2008

image for My Crisps Hell - Lineker Comes Clean
Troubled stars cup-winning shirt yesterday - said to be on ebay for whatever he can get for it

BBC anchorman and former darling of England and Leicester City, Gary Lineker, is today facing up to his biggest challenge yet. Bigger even than when he used to be shit at presenting and it looked as if he wouldn't last 2 minutes at the Beeb.

In the face of an upcoming expose, Lineker has finally admitted that he has a crisp problem. Friends and colleagues alike are said to be relieved that the news is out, and last night gruff "Jock", Alan Hansen, commented:

"Hoots mon, but it was getting terrible. He could hardly get on set without at least three jumbo bags of Sensations down him and that was just the start of it.

On live shows he never bothered his arse watching the game. He just spent the entire two halves wolfing down bag after bag of whatever he could get his hands on"

And co-presenter, Mark "Lorro" Lawrenson, adds:

"First it was only good gear like, Walkers, M&S, Kettle Chips and that but then he started going down the cash and carry and getting those cheap 10p bags that they sell in some corner shops. I've seen him do an entire box of 48 in one 20 minute binge"

A BBC spokesman confirmed that Lineker was currently on leave and that the corporation could not confirm when the troubled star would be back.

If you have a problem with crisps, nuts or indeed any tasty crunchy snack then call our Crisp Crisis Hotline in complete confidence.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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