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Friday, 14 November 2008

image for New dictionary for the hard of thinking
Ben Stroppy from Oldham is transfixed

The Oxford University Press have today published a new, fully-illustrated dictionary aimed specifically at the ignorant. Over three pages long (it does actually run to a fourth page, or five if you count the intentionally blank page at the back), it aims to help the ignorant get a firmer grasp on life by containing some of the important words necessary for them to get through the day.

Words included in this new dictionary include "Sky Plus", "Binge", "Happy Hour", "Each Way Bet", "Car Boot Sale", "Pay as you go", "Big Brother" and "Sugarbabes". There is also a brief explanation of some of the more important acronyms they might need to use, for example, "DWP", "GBH" and "ASBO".

Launching the book at a glittering reception in the Guild Hall in Oldham, attended by locals with an irritating Coronation Street accent, the author, Professor Ilia Literate said it was perhaps the most important "contribution to eduquayshun wot he has ever writted".

The new dictionary is available from all good and some incredibly bad bookshops.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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