Clarence House - (Pont d'Alma Tunnel Mess): Prince Charles has told Hellfire Club grandees that there is only one birthday present that he really, really wants for 'his' 60th tomorrow:
"About time the old girl croaked!" the Pretender cackled mischeviously today.
"Lord knows I've waited long enough to suck seed (sic) to Albion's fabled throne.
"Can't someone, you know... er...lace her bedtime Whorelicks with a drop of arsenic or something? Do her and the country a power of good.
"What's more, I absolutely guarantee a new 'By Royal Appointment' gold-crested Royal Warrant to whoever releases the old dear from the misery of useless octogenarian old age.
Camilla is undergoing secret divorce proceedings.