Written by IainB
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Monday, 27 October 2008

image for Supermarket unveils new Environmental Policy
Forget CO2, reduce carrier bag usage and save a duck

A superstore giant today unveiled its attempts to save the planet. With the British Government indicating that if the supermarkets do not control the number of plastic bags in circulation, then they will act, the supermarket chain has responded by pushing "Bags For Life".

The new bags are designed to be re-used, but will cost the customer 5p. Many customers refuse to pay the premium when they discovered that staff insist on packing them, and sell three times the number actually required to carry the shopping, so they still offer the free bags.

"Those can still be re-used on future shopping trips," Environment Spokesperson, Malcolm Talcum, said. "But mainly they get re-used as traps for wild birds and as decorations for trees in local parks."

To this end, all cashiers have now been retrained to follow a new policy. The Environmentally Unfriendly bags are kept in a bin that smells of fish.

"We now ask the customer if they've brought their own bags," said Brenda Renda, a cashier in Salford. "If they say 'no' we offer them a bag for life."

On being asked what the approach would be to a customer who declined the offer, Brenda pulled a disgusted face and said, "This is the face we have to use as we rip the bags off one at a time and throw them at the environmental rapist, whilst muttering about the destruction of pristine habitats being their fault."

"I think it's disgusting," said one shopper who preferred to be called Simone, despite being male. "I got a bag for life, and it's moved into my spare room."

"I think it's brilliant," said Simone's wife, Keith. "The new bags for life are green, and make the trees in our local park look like they've got leaves all year round."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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