Written by Brancastrian
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Topics: TV, Environment, Top Gear

Tuesday, 21 October 2008

image for "Top Gear" Show Causes More Controversy!
These polar bears were seen protesting the show.

Producers have strongly denied that the latest feature to appear on the popular motoring show "Top Gear" will be harmful to the environment.

Previous features on the programme have included a dog vs car race across the unblemished and pure wastes of the North Pole as well as a race across a delicate salt pan ecosystem in Botswana.

Both of these resulted in complaints being made by environmental pressure groups. The BBC however, which has a strict policy of never being accountable to anyone or anything, did not take these any further. The latest stunt, however, is thought to be highly likely to cause some concern amongst environmentalists.

The first part of the feature will see Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May race cars through the Amazon rainforest to see which particular supercar can negotiate such terrain the most effectively. However, as it has been discovered that the cars would not be able to do this if there were "...trees and things in the way...", according to Richard Hammond, Jeremy Clarkson will start the programme by pouring several million gallons of aviation fuel on the forest and setting it alight.

Speaking at a press conference earlier today, Mr Clarkson, added, "...we want to see how many species of animals this makes extinct and, if they were extinct, what sort of car they would drive, had they a choice in the matter..."

A spokesperson, however, defended the destruction of the Amazon rainforest in this manner as being "...justified, broadly speaking-people have always wanted to know what car a tapir would drive, now we will all know the answer to that question..."

Following an epic crossing of the blackened and dying forest wastes, the intrepid trio will then travel to Greenland in order to place and detonate a "small and therefore environmentally friendly nuclear device" directly underneath the massive ice sheet there. James May added, "...if we can cause ocean levels to rise by between 10-15 feet, many low lying areas of land will be flooded. By doing this, we will be able to establish which car is best at floating in such conditions, as well as which ones sink like a stone..."

The final part of the hour long special, to be screened at Christmas, will see the trio fly the scene of one of their previous shows, the town of Resolute, the last staging post before the North Pole. There, in a specially designed Hummer, they will travel the whole area, laying down vast quantities of poisoned meat, the intention being for the polar bears in the area to eat it and die. Once there is a substantial "...pile of polar bear carcasses..." as Clarkson described it, the team will then see which pick up truck-Ford, Nissan or Toyota-can manage the task of holding the most dead polar bears, both whilst being driven and stationary. "...it will help people decide which pick up truck they would most like to buy..." said an insider.

The BBC went on to further deny that the programme would damage the environment in anyway. "This programme is being made with the strictest ethics being put in place..." said one of the corporation's 18,000 senior Managers, "...it will be educational, informative and entertaining, and, during these lean times, we hope watching all of those thousands of stupid trees burn will put a smile on peoples faces"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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